Dear Precious Lili

dear grand-daughter
Your mother came and visited you today. I happened to call her on her way home from you. She sounded very upset. I told her to get home and call me so we could talk about this visit.
She did tell me that you got angry about something and cut your eyebrows off.
Wow! all I can think is that they are pushing you to the limit you are comfortable with and are grasping for straws to get their attention.....Honey I wish i could hold you and tell you everything will be alright in the end.
But I cannot.
I cannot tell you to please do not harm yourself. Harming yourself does not solve anything. It may catch the attention of your school teachers....and maybe this is what you are trying to do.
I am so sorry I have failed you.
I wish I could be there to protect you but I cannot,\.
Dear Lord please protect this child from any further harm and bring her safely home.
In your son Jesus Christ I askj this.
Amen
I love you my grand-daughter,.....
Who says the Favres are great? They are full of hate and anger.....especially to separate a child from her family.
Shame on them
Nana

LIli

My dear dear grand-daughter,

Your birthday is coming up, it will be the 4th one I have not seen you.

I know you are getting so tall and so much lovelier. You were always beautiful

inside and out.

Keep growing the day is coming that we will be reunited.

I love you

Nana

I love you

I miss you I wish you were here to help me complete the tree.
I want so much to have you open your gifts here. I want so much to have you sit next to me at the table while we eat...maybe even bake the cookies.
I hope you are well and remember how loved you are.
Nana

I love you

I miss you LIli....I want to see you.
Nana

It is Christmas time

I am sitting here by the light of the christmas tree and I am thinking of you. This will be our 4th one we missed.
I wish we could be here reading stories to each other and making christmas decorations or ear rings.
I miss you so very much my little grand-daughter You are amazing....hang in there.
Love your
Nana

I love you LIli

I love you and I miss you. Almost your birthday again. The 3rd one I have missed. I wish they would just give up and let us be family.
Nana

Dear LIli

I am making your Christmas scarf and hat. I have to laugh at my efforts cause I obviously am having troubles reading the directions. Oh well...the first one is bright and funny.....You may get this one!!
I love you, I wish you were with us all......
Nana

My Grand-Angel

I miss your little arms around my neck and your sweet southern little voice whispering 'I love you Nana" in my ear.
You are the best and I will be here for you when you are ready to come home.

Dear LIli

I sent you some gifts this past week. I feel comforted knowing that you are holding in your hands something I held in mine.
Oh my grand daughter I miss you. I saw your picture and you are growing into a lovely lovely young woman.
I pray God softens their hearts......
God keep you safe and I love you
Nana

Dear Precious Lili

I miss you so so much. My heart breaks.
I drive by your house sometimes in hopes of seeing you and then I hope I don't because I don't want to confuse you.
I just want to lay my eyes on you.
I just want to see your smiling eyes and mouth.
I want to hold your little hand in mine.
I want to hear what you have to say.
I want to watch you play make believe and be a part of your made up stories.
I loved to listen to you talk.
I still remember when you first learned how to read and you read to me to show me how you knew how.
I was so very proud of you.
I remember so many things about you.
I remember the moment you were born.
I was there the moment you came into the world.
You were the most beautiful little baby in the world.
I have been sick again Lili.
I was rushed to the emergency room for seizures.
I am better now. They changed my medicine because the old medicine was eating my bone marrow.
I was very ill for a very long time.
I feel so much better now.
I wish I could share this new energy with you.
I know I will soon.
I pray for this every day....and God has answered ALL of my prayers, so I know this one will be answered also.
I will always be here for you.
When you get older and want to live with me I will have a room for you.
I love you and miss you with all my being
your Nana

Dear Lili

Dear Lili
You know I call you this because your little brother could not say your name and he called you Lili....so I decided that I would use this nickname in order to write to you.
I have heard about your visits with your mom and your phone calls.....I want you to know I am waiting for you.
If you ever need me I am here.....
I am making you a beautiful scarf for christmas....Do you wear your bracelets?
I love you LIli....
love
Nana

Dear Grand-daughter

Dear Lili,
I hear you are doing well in school and that you are interested in the sciences. That is so cool. I recall the first time you read for me. I had bought you a Dick and Jane book..it had all the D and J stories in it....This is the book I learned to read from....and there you were sounding out the words. I was so VERY proud in that moment that this baby has turned into a young girl. Wow.....I remember when you were born.....That was an awesome milestone in my life....to witness the birth of an angel from my baby girl angel.
I miss you very much and I love you always.
Nana

Inspirational Video - The Don't Quit Poem

Love is a strong word and action so is hate and anger

Affirm your children's worth non-verbally, with a hug, a loving look, and by spending quality time with them. Words are important but the need to be mothered by the action of love is of utmost importance. When you have words, feelings, and actions, that are in harmony with actions your Affirmations ring true.
Affirm positively on a regular basis and your child will internalize the words you say.

This becomes your framework for stimulating positive thoughts with your children everyday. It ensures you visit every aspect of a children's positive development through powerful thoughts. It provides an opportunity to be proactive and discuss issues that would not normally come up until it was too late.

More on positive affirmations and the young

I want to watch you to watch your thoughts, words, actions, and manners, and use positive Affirmations to help you love and respect yourself and others.
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Affirmations of unconditional love go right to the core of children; they thrive on words of encouragement about how smart they are and what good marks they get on their report cards.

Children can be programmed negatively in subtle ways. I call this brain wasing in the negative.
When you tell your children to be careful, for example, you may be implying that the world is full of great big boogiemen lurking around every corner and tree.
It is extremely important to talk to children about the real dangers, such as speaking to strangers or taking rides or candy from people they do not know. Do refrain from filling their innocent minds with thoughts of doom and fear.
To further enhance your child's positive outlook, be careful to avoid using the word but. For example, if you say to your child, I love you but you are lazy and untidy, you are affirming your child's negative behaviour and cancelling out the positive statement of love.
Affirm the child's special attributes, saying, "You have a great smile, your skin is silky, or your teeth are so perfectly formed." You can always find something positive to say to your child.
Dear Lili
the above description is what I am talking about when I refer to your life. I know they are negative and aggresive in their love. They are people who are fearful and because fear for them is a weakness they attack it with negative aggression. It is like they are angry in the moment they feel fear.
We will get through this and I will be here for you for all the days of your life. I am here now. We just do not see each other or hear each other.

My Grand-daughter, Please listen.

Dear Lili
I am researching positive affirmations. I am doing this for you but also because I came from the same place you are growing up in. My people were very fear based and negative to us as we grew up also.
I hear you are depressed. I know why you are. They choose not to see the results of their actions, which is you a young child being depressed.
I will somehow find a way for you to read some of this information and possibly comprehend the work you must do in order to come out of this not as broken as they are or we were.
Hang in there my little angel girl. I am praying that God opens doors and windows for you to fly.
I love you,
Nana

Dear Lili

Dear Lili doll,
I was so upset to hear they have put you on another medicine. My God. You are a child who wants to see her mother and her family. They stole you and hid you from us.
I wish I could get to you so I could just let you know it will be okay. I want you to keep praying, that is all we can do right now. You MUST be strong. Must!!
I will research a few positive affirmations for you and next time your mama visits I will have her give them to you. You will keep this piece of paper with you wherever you go untill you memorize them.
When you start to feel bad...you start to say these statements over and over again in your head to yourself. I do this when I am having a particularly bad day. And I do them when I am having a good day too.
I love you LILI
Nana

Dear LIli

I love you.
I made you a set of bracelets. I hope you wear them and know they were made with love for you. They are colorful and playful. You can wear them with your jeans and such. I am making more but different colors and styles. I will send you more. I bought you some lipstick today.
NOw that I know we can mail you stuff...well I am excited cause I can put stuff in the box your Mom is getting together for you.
I love you koushouni mou!!
Your Grandmother....Nana

Dear dear Granddaughter

Dear Lili
I want you to do this at some point.....
Make your personal "celebratory scrapbook" and place to honor yourself
.Develop a scrapbook that celebrates you and the wonderful person you are.
Include pictures of yourself at different ages, writings you enjoy, mementos of things you have done and places you have been, cards you have received, etc. Or set up a place in your home that celebrates "you."
It could be on a bureau, shelf, or table. Decorate the space with objects that remind you of the special person you are.
If you don't have a private space that you can leave set up, put the objects in a special bag, box, or your purse and set them up in the space whenever you do this work. Take them out and look at them whenever you need to bolster your self-esteem.
I really miss you today. Your mother and brother and sister were over to see you. I sent you some bracelets. God I miss you!!
love Nana

Dear Grand daughter

Dear LIli
I have a new job. I am working more than I have worked in the past 10 years, and let me tell you it is wearing your Nana out! I am working or in bed.
I know your mama is coming to see you in the next week. I cannot wait to get news of you.
I love you my Pookie butt!!
Nana banana

Dear Grand daughter

I am a grandmother who cannot see or hear her grand-daughter.
Her family on the "other" side seem to have some anger problems.
They have taken her away from her own mother. A young woman whose only mistake
was that she was too innocent for their malicious games.
She fell in love with their son. A boy who is very likable and lovable, but has emotional problems. I see why he has them. I look to his parents for that fault. They aim to pass it on to the baby also.
Little do they realize we had developed a very healthy and beautiful relationship and that child knows it. She recalls the quality time we spent together. She knew she could ask me anything. And she did. She trusted me. She still does.
She will be back when she is old enough. Just because they sign papers does not make me less of a blood relation.
Blood.
We are DNA related.
She will be back.

Oh my God I miss you!!

It feel like you were just a dream to me. I know you weren't though. I love you so very much. It hurt so badly in the beginning. It felt like a knife wound in my back. I still feel the great pain of losing you.....but I KNOW one day you will be back. I look for that day....Sometimes I wonder....will we run into each other in the Mall? In Wal-mart? I would smile so big at you just knowing you are in this world and you make a difference. I want you to know this. You changed my life for the better....just by being born.
I love you H.

Hello

My dearest little angel,
I miss you more as each day passes. I can not tell you what it has been like without you....well I can try....but, then I don't want to upset you....I just want to keep you filled in on the goings on in our life...
Sam graduated from high school....so did Adrienne.
Of course you met your new sister Bella.....what you say we call her Bells?
I love you angel
Nana

I love you LIli

I planted sunflower seeds for you. I hope they will grow big and tall like you my sunshine.
Nana

Pinky Swear

Dear Lili
I taught your brother the pinky swear you taught me. It was so funny and so memorable for me. I am sure you would have loved it also. I think he likes it.
Do you remember why you asked me to pinky swear? Do you remember what I told you to do?
I think they already knew this is why you are living with your paternal grandparents honey. Your daddy loves you but he has problems. Depression and suicidal tendencies on top of it are never something our children should witness especially as young as you were.
I love you child of my child...you are an angel sent to us to show us your love.
Nana

Bella Maria

Dear Lili
today I understand you met your little sister for the first time. I am so happy for you I only wish I could have seen your face when you saw her. When I first saaw her I thought that she looked like you.
I love you and I miss you so very much. I wish I could give you a big big hug so you could feel your Nana's love.

Love

Love takes up where ignorance leaves off.

Dear Lili

Hi my little granddaughter
I hear your mother is coming to visit you. I wish I could also. I miss you so very much.

I have some of your belongings in my living room to remind me at a glance of the little girl that made me so happy and showed me love at a time I needed it.....
you are my angel

I love you

I love you Lili
love always
Nana

Hello hello

Hi there little one,
I went and saw your mom and brother and sister today. I wish you were there. You would be the best big sister ever!! You will fall in love with her.....When I saw her for the first time I saw a little of you in her. I remember how tiny you were when you were born so tiny.
I love you
I wish you were here with me tonight we would watch a movie and eat pop corn or maybe paint a picture.

The day Georgie arrived.

Dear Lili
I did not get to see Bella be born. I saw you come into the world.
I was there for your first breath, and I held you after your mother did.
Your Dad was right there also taking pictures of you....
I want to say they have the actual birth on tape.
Now I am sorry but I could not do that.
Nope not me.....
Nope
Nope no sirreeee.
I held your sister in my arms and I recalled a flash of you at birth. I saw it in her face and in her demeanor.
I know
I know
She is a newborn, what demeanor??
They have one trust me.
I saw yours too....and I was not wrong.
Anyway
I asked your mother if she told you and she said yes that you were excited and wanted to see your sister.
I wish I could be there to bear witness to that moment. The moment you meet your sister.
This is all so wrong.
I miss you Lili, I wish you were here with us. We would never keep you from your family.
I love you my little pookie butt.

The meaning of names

Your name means hero. How very appropriate for you.

Your sister is coming today

Dear Lili
Your little sister will be born today. Your mother went in for them to induce delivery. I am here with your little brother. We are excited.
I won't get to see this little one being born but that is okay.
I was given a gift when I was asked to be a part of yours and your brothers' birth.
Your birth was the first I have ever been a part of. Other than my own of course.
You were the tiniest baby and the sweetest baby I had ever seen, next to your mama of course, and then your brothers.
I wish you were here so we could go to the hospital together and see them.
I miss you lili you are in my heart constantly.
Nana

The little red dress

I remember a little girl who loved to play dress up.
I would go and pick her up from her house and she would climb into the back seat of the Jeep looking for her gear. She made sure to tell me to remember to bring it.
Her gear consisted of a red dress, a purple boa, clickety clackers, and her make-up kit.
Oh yes on some days her pink umbrella.
She would dress like this and we would go out.
People would look at her.
I would smile thinking how delightful my little grand-daughters' imagination is.
She lived in this outfit for quite a few years.
It was a size 12 for little girls....while she was maybe 4 we would tie the dress up in the back so as to fit her properly.
Or as properly as we could. She is quite the character.
I found the dress today Lili, and I put it on a hanger with a scarf and a red purse and hung it in my living room.
I love to look at it and remember how much you loved to wear this dress.
I love you my angel.
Good night.
Nana

Kouchouni girl

good night my little love.

Dear Lili,
It is Saturday and it was a nice day. I made spaghetti today. Your brother loved it he says I cook good. Your Mama had 2 bowls.
I know she is not able to see you right now.
I pray you understand.
You know a lot has been going on around you for quite awhile now. Goodness, it looks like it has been your whole life. I want you to understand that you have done absolutely nothing for any of this to happen.
I hope in writing here everyday you will one day have a sense of what it was like to be without you for so very long. It also makes me feel so much closer to you than I am right now.
I have my collage on the wall and it has a lot of your pictures on it. I love your smile. Your face is as bright as a star.
You are my angel girl.
Good night Lili
I miss you
I love you
Nana

Dear LIli

Dear Lili,
Tomorrow your mother and little brother are coming over. I had to clean to day. You know how their allergies are. I happen to have way too much dust in here.
I sat outside in the sun for awhile and I was remembering when we used to put the pool on Yiayia's back deck. You loved to swim. You were a little fish.
I have a picture of you at a beautiful young age....do you remember the red and white polka dot bikini? You called it Bike-eenee. lol
Well I bought that for you cause years ago I bought the very same style and colors for your mama.
I hope you are well.
I pray God makes a move soon.
I would love to see you in person.
I thought of riding over there today. But I changed my mind.
I love you
I miss you
Nana

Dear Lili
I started to work on the mermaid today. I want to finish her in order to give her to you. I know you know who she is. I had startd working on her back when.
I have had you on my mind a lot lately.
It may be because I am writing you these letters almost everyday, but then no because I alway think of you.
I hope you are well little angel girl.
I love you
I miss you
Nana

Indigo Child by Mark Denny

my Indigo Child
I look in your eyes and am held by your stare.
So much knowledge, so alert and so aware,
I feel that I know you, I’ve met you before.
Where have you come from? I want to know more.
Do you remember a far away place,
With a different name and a different face?
Don’t be upset if I don’t understand
The message you bring with you back to this land.
I know who you are; I know why you are here.
Don’t be frustrated-I’ll always be near.
I am to you, close both in spirit and mind
I understand you and I know of your kind.
You offer me love and you bind us together.
Your touch on my heart is as light as a feather.
Why have you chosen to be my little girl?
What is the message you bring to my world?
Your spirit is gentle, so peaceful and mild.
Your spirit is special, My Indigo Child.
Written by Mark Denny for his daughter Savanna age 2
I have edited this a bit to fit my life with Lili

Hi my love

Dear Lili
I worked in the garden today and you would not believe what I found! I found a teeny tiny turtle. It was so cute. It was a newborn with the face of an old wise man. I put him on the porch to get him out of my way and he found his way to wherever he is now.
I had Magnolia the german shepherd with me she was my company today. I was kind of scared of snakes and mice, but with her there I knew she would get them.
I hope you are sleeping well my little love. I thought I saw you the other day, I was driving on Cedar Lake road going to the interstate and I saw a side view of a little face that could have been yours.
They must have turned off the road because I lost them. I wonder.
I wonder sometimes how you would react if we saw each other.
One day I was in your city and thought to drive by your house. I didn't though because I did not want to cause you any more unecessary pain. That night you called your mother and asked if I drove by your house..
How did you know?
I love you
I miss you
Nana

Dear Pookie

Dear Lili
I hope you had a good Easter. I did this year. It has been awhile since I have had a good holiday.
Your mama and little brother were supposed to come and visit today. But he was not being very nice. He decided to poop on the driveway today....among many other things I am told. So he was being punished....no Nana.
Why is it Nana is punished?
I miss you my beautiful child.
I remember the moment you entered the world. You had a little munchkin look about you. You were so so tiny. So beautiful. You were also the first birth I had ever witnessed. I was in awe of you coming into this world. Your mama was also. I remember it like it was yesterday. I looked at your father and he was so nervous.
You are an angel sent to us to show us to love in the middle of any type of disharmony there may be. Do not forget you are a child of God.
Forgiveness will play a role in your life. Forgive them my babygirl. They are acting from fear not maliciousness. They believe in what they are doing to you. They want to protect you...problem here is that they are protecting you from the people who adore you. They don't want to look in any other direction.
I love you H.....
Nana

Happy Easter

Happy Easter Lili,
I can imagine you in a pretty purple dress today. I would think a pretty hat would be nice also.
I am still working on your catwoman costume...very challenging thing to fit you when I cannot see you!!!

good morning

good morning Lili
I woke up early and decided to write you a little letter again.
I have been working on a seashell mobile and I can't help but remember when little tiny fingers and hands used to help me.
I think you are on spring break right now.
I miss you I love you
nana

April fool!

Dear Lili,
Happy April Fool's day. I hope you get to trick and are not tricked today.
Yesterday your mom went to the hospital again. She has been in labor for 3 weeks, imagine!!
They said go home it may be tonight or tomorrow. So we are all holding our breaths waiting for your little sister to come into this world.
You are a great Big sister to MIkah, Alexis, Seth......
I miss you.
I love you
Nana

Dear Lili

Dear Lili,
Hi I miss you.
We miss you.
I carry you with me all the time. I tell people about you everywhere and any chance I have that someone may listen.
That is me your
Nanabanana
I love you

of Copee and Ploblums

Dear Lili,
It is Tuesday morning and I am just waking up which means as you know I am having a cup of copee.....That is how you would say coffee when you were young. Just like the word problem. You would tell complete strangers "There are Ploblums...." I guess you wanted people to know. I knew. I knew and you knew that there was nothing we could do without them taking you away. We were not ready for it. I did not want to lose you. I had already lost one so many years before that I kind of acted on instinct. I COULD not lose you.
Any way my dear. Black spring break is in about 3 weeks and Easter is I think next week. I will be thinking of you.
Hey....remember when You and I went to Bellingraf Gardens in Mobile? I took pictures of you with the hoop ladies? It was Easter. We went on an Easter Egg hunt. lol. I had so much fun with you that day when we went looking at all the flowers.
I love you Lili thank you for finding me.
Nana

Dear Lili

Dear Lili
I think I will use this name for you, as I cannot use your real name. Not here. I don't want to harm anyone especially you. I just want you to know just how much a part of us you are. I know one day you will read this.
I live in a new house now Lili. I think you would like it here. We could take walks around the golf course if we wanted to. I am very near the water. We even have a boat. You would have to wear a life vest of course, regardless of how well you swim.
The yard is big. I hope next year you will be here so we can do the planting together. Until then I have been planting in your name.
I planted Iris', gladiolas', black eyed susans, poppies, petunia's....and of course some catnip for the kitties. Yes Lili I said kitties. There are 3 cats and a dog here. It is so much fun.
I miss you. I hope you are having a good day my little love.
I love you
I miss you
Nana

Mile is the new Kitty's name

Dear Grand-daughter,
Have I mentioned that I have a kitty now? Her name us Mile, Milly is how you say it. She is a fur ball. I know if you were here you would be chasing her instead of her terrorizing the other cats and dog and US!! She loves to run and jump. She jumps very high.
I planted some more seeds today. Maybe you will see them
I hope you are well
I miss you so very much
I love you,
Nana

Hey girl!

I love you.
I made shepherds pie. I cleaned, and I thought of you. I have your pictures next to my bed. You are a cute child.
talk to you soon.
love Nana

Gardening with my Sunshine girl

Dear Sunshine,
I tried to work in the yard today. I did a little bit of work until I broke the pruners I was working with on a bush that was not a rose bush. I looked at the seeds. They are growing. I checked out the rosebushes, they also have blooms on them.
I moved the bird house from the stand and put it in a tree, cleaned out the water fountain and put more birdseed out.
I know you would love to do all of this with me.
I also painted a new picture today. I used reds and yellows.
I hope you are well.
Your mother has been in premature labor for about 2 weeks now. I know she had to cancel visiting you. She hates to do this to you and it hurts her too.
She gave me your message by the way.
S'agapo baby girl too.
Nana

I wish you were gardening with me.

March 23, 2010
Dear grand-daughter
I am in bed posting blog after blog for you. I had to catch up on the previous years. I wrote way more letters in my mind I just did not get them to the computer. Sorry about that. I have been gardening and I think of you and your love of flowers. I wish you were here to plant seeds with me.
I love you
nana

Dear grand-daughter

June 7, 2009
Hi my grand-daughter
I am missing you so very much tonight….I miss you everyday but I find there are moments that are more intense than others……I find that I can share my stories of you with certain people…..and then I end up crying…..I miss your little arms around my neck…..I know your mother is tore up….she cries all the time for you…..
Why? Why do they do this to us? Why would they want to hurt you so very much? Don’t those idiots know that they are doing you damage?
Your brother is growing up…..he calls me nana now too….
He is a mess. He would make you laugh so hard you would potty your britches……where is my Sunshine?
I love you my little grand daughter.
Nana

Happy Easter

April 12, 2009
Happy Easter My Beautiful beautiful Grand-daughter
We miss you. I hope today you are having a fun filled and loving day. Soon my child we will have you in our arms again. I love you
Nana

We miss you.....You think?

April 1, 2009
Dear grand-daughter
Good morning my precious grand-daughter
I miss you so very much. I was thinking of you this morning as I do many other mornings….and I was thinking of how your mother rented a 3 bedroom apartment. She did this because she is waiting for you. She wants you to have your own room. We are waiting for your family on that side to come to their senses. We have heard from your step grandmother you blew up at them. And all I can say is YOU GO GIRL!! I know you know in your heart that we love you….we spoke of this in certain moments. I recall preparing you for something like this. Sad that I had to but I did.
Your mom is waiting to graduate from beauty school and to get a good job in order to get a good attorney to help her. I of course am perpetually broke. I am sorry my child. If I have failed anywhere it is here. Not having the money to help your mother get you back. We all miss you so very much… Your cousin Mantha just wants to come to your house on in the Bay…..
I wonder how school is darling…..how do you like your friends….do you have a best friend yet?
I wonder many things.
I love you
Nana

She dreams of you

March 25, 2009
Dear Grand-daughter
We heard last week that your step-monster was going to try and get you from your grandparents and then she was going to let you see your mother….this made your mama so very happy….
Your mother has the same dream of you over and over again…..she dreams she is in an argument I think……and then she hears your voice calling her, Mama mama….she always wakes up crying…..
I feel for the two of you. I don’t really know why….but your family has had it out for your mother from day one.
I pray that God softens their heart….I am still waiting….
All we have done is try and love you the best we can… I don’t understand the rest of this…..it is over a year now since I have seen you……I miss you my darling…..
I miss watching you play dress up and putting your make up on……I miss you riding your bike…..oh how I loveyou.
Nana

YOU ARE MY SUNSHINE

March 11, 2009
DEAR GRANDDAUGHTER
IT HAS BEEN A FULL YEAR SINCE I HAVE SEEN YOUR SWEET SMILING FACE…OR I HAVE FELT THOSE LITTLE ARMS AROUND ME…..I MISS YOU MY SUNSHINE….I MISS YOU MY DRAGON BREATH QUEEN
WHERE ARE YOU WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
I HEAR THERE IS A CHANCE THAT YOU WILL BE BACK AMONG US…..I PRAY THIS IS TRUE…..
I WONDER HOW TALL HAVE YOU GROWN…I WONDER HOW THE CONTOURS OF YOUR FACE MUST HAVE CHANGED…..
I PRAY GOD SOFTENS THEIR HEARTS SO WE CAN SEE YOU AGAIN. MY LITTLE LOVE…..I CARRY YOU WITH ME DAILY….I WEAR A BRACELET WE BOTH PURCHASED WHEN WE WERE OUT DOING THINGS TOGETHER ONE DAY…….
NANA

HAPPY NEW YEAR

DEAR GRANDDAUGHTER

IT IS NEW YEARS EVE AND WE ARE WITHOUT YOU AGAIN….YOUR BIRTHDAY HAS COME AND GONE AS WELL AS CHRISTMAS AND NOW THIS HOLIDAY.
YIAYIA HAD A DREAM ABOUT YOU LAST NIGHT….SHE SAW YOU AS WE ALWAYS SEE YOU …JUST WALKING AROUND AND LOOKING IN TO EVERYTHING, I MISS TALKING WITH YOU AND I MISS WATCHING YOU DRESS UP AND MAKEUP.
I HOPE BABY GIRL THAT YOU ARE BEING TAKEN CARE OF….WE MISS YOU. YOUR MOTHER IS NOT TAKING THIS TOO WELL…..BUT SHE IS STILL GOING TO SCHOOL CAUSE SHE SAYS YOU WILL NEED HER TO BE IN A BETTER FINANCIAL POSITION AFTER ALL THAT IS WHAT BROUGHT ALL THIS ON…THEY KNEW WE HAD NO RESOURCES TO FIGHT THEM.
WELL MY CHILD I LOVE YOU AND I MISS YOU AND EVERYONE AROUND HERE MISSES YOU EVEN OUR BROTHER GOES AROUND SAYING LILI…HE CALLS YOUR MOM LILI SOMETIMES…..
I LOVE YOU MY GRANDDAUGHTER
NANA

Happy birthday baby girl

DECEMBER 21 2008
Dear Granddaughter,

HAPPY BIRTHDAY…..HAPPY BIRTHDAY… HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!

I pray that today you have such a day that you remember it for all of your life….and I hope it is a day full of good memories….
My love I know you are wondering where we are…..and maybe not…..they may have told you all you know….but I quarantee they have not told you the entire truth….they cant it makes them look bad
These days all I pray for is that God softens their heart….cause for the life of me I cannot understand why they would take you away from an entire family that adores you….you were never in danger….i don’t understand….
All I know is I miss you with all my heart…..and I wish I had your little hand in mine…..and I was wishing you happy birthday in person…..
I love you we are all suffering as I know you are….because we have been separated…..
I pray that God puts an end to this madness…
I love you baby girl
Nana

LEEEELLLEEEEE!!!

Oct. 29, 2008
Dear granddaughter
I woke up early this morning and then went back to bed. I just was not done sleeping. To my surprise I had the most fantastic dream…..I was asleep in my dream and it was night, and I woke up to your little head popping up and looking at me with that mischevious smile of yours…your hair was all tussled….then for the rest of the dream we played hide and seek….I would look all over for you and when you would show up I would have this intense feeling of happiness.
Your baby brother misses you when ever he sees your picture he says louldly LEELEE…..he can’t say your name yet…..Halloween in coming I wonder what you will be this year….I wonder how you are doing in school…I wonder if you still like to play dress up…I pray at night that God will soften your grandparent’s hearts toward us….I do not know why they hate us so much….
I miss you so very m uch my little love.
Nana

Dear Grand-daughter

September 22 2008
Dear Grand-daughter,
I think about you every day. We talk about you everyday
I wonder what you are doing, how tall you are getting.
Your brother asks about lili all the time.
Especially when he sees your pictures.
It has been 6 months since I have seen you and I cannot believe that.
It is hard for me not to be angry at your family over there but I am.
I will keep this up for you, this letter writing.
One day I know you will read it all.
I love you my sweet heart.
I hope you do not forget me.

Dear Grandchild

October 5 2008
Dear Grand-daughter
I had a dream about you the other night. I woke up sobbing.
I cried so much before I woke up that my eyes were swollen the next day.
Honey I cannot even call you to ask how you are doing.
Why?
Well the family you come from really hate your mother. They hate her because she chose to leave your daddy. Maybe when you get older we will be able to get to the bottom of what really happened.
All I know is that they also hate the woman your father married. And they would not allow her to have anything to do with you either.
In a way I am glad because I worried about you being with the two of them.
Your Daddy had a big problem with drugs, that is one reason why your mother left…I don’t know if you will understand this.
But then you won't really know till you are a lot older.
I love you my kouchouny

Cognitive Behavioral Techniques to try

Here are some Cognitive behavior techniques that may work....I am going to try them out I will let you know.
Slow-talk/slow walk/slowing down

Stopping automatic negative thinking (ANTs)

The acceptance paradox: how we keep the fires burning and how to put them out

Rational and helpful self-statements that can become permanent and "automatic"

Continuing to move our self-statements up

Whose voice are you listening to, anyhow? Do we have to listen and believe all those old lies?

The determination factor: becoming more focused and gently determined

Focusing: What are you paying attention

Paranoid Personality Disorder

301.0 Paranoid Personality Disorder:

A. A pervasive distrust and suspicion of others such that their motives are interpreted as malevolent, beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts, as indicated by 4 or more of the following:

(1) suspects, without sufficient basis, that others are exploiting, harming, or deceiving him or her

(2) is preoccupied with unjustified doubts about the loyalty or trust-worthiness of friends or associates

(3) is reluctant to confide in others because of unwarranted fear that the information will be used maliciously against him or her

(4) reads hidden demeaning or threatening meanins into benign remarks or events

(5) persistently bears grudges, is unforgiving of insults, injuries, or slights

(6) perceives attacks on his or her character or reputation that are not apparent to others and is quick to react angrily or to counterattack

(7) has recurrent suspicions, without justification, regarding fidelity of spouse or sexual partner.
B. Does not occur exclusively during the course of Schizophrenia, a Mood Disorder With Psychotic Features, or another Psychotic Disorder and is not due to the direct physiological effects of a general medical condition.

Did you know?

Research has now shown that children's and teen's brains are very sensitive to stress (up to 5 to 10 times more sensitive than adult brains) and can be damaged by frequent or ongoing stress. What seems like mild to moderate stress for an adult, may be very severe stress for a child. This stress-related brain damage can greatly increase risk for many types of mental illness later in life.

Spring afternoon

It is a beautiful rainy spring day. I have been my work on the internet. I am listening to the music I want to. I am eating healthy and drinking plenty of fluids. I am in love and he is in love also. We have a wonderful home, which is a wonderful work in progress.
I am working on the gardens this year. We want to clean it up a little and add some color. We may add a pond in the back. I guess that one depends on when we get started and if we have enough oomph in us. It requires digging a huge hole. I won't mention all the azaleas that need trimming but since they are covered in buds we have to wait on that one. There are 3 of 4 banana trees that need removing, so that the new growth will come in without the blight of the dead winter on it.
I am researching anxiety aggresively. I have decided to go off my paxil. It has helped me until now. Now I want to be natural. I feel safe enough.

How can social anxiety be treated?

Many therapeutic methods have been studied, but cognitive-behavioral therapy is the only method that has been shown to work effectively. In fact, treatment of social anxiety through cognitive-behavioral methods has the capacity to produce long-lasting, permanent relief from the anxiety-ridden world of social anxiety.
Social anxiety responds to relatively short-term therapy, depending on the severity of the condition. I have seen significant progress in short periods of time. To overcome social anxiety, completion of a behavioral therapy group is also essential (when people feel ready for this and not before).
What socially anxious people do not need is years of therapy or counseling. You can't be counseled out of social phobia. In fact, socially anxious people who are taught to analyze and relive their problems usually make their social anxiety and fears much worse, which in turn leads to depression, which just reinforces the fact that I will never get better.
THERE IS A BETTER LIFE FOR ALL PEOPLE WITH SOCIAL ANXIETY.
Without treatment, social anxiety is a torturous and horrible emotional problem; with treatment it is fixable. Add to this that current research is clear that cognitive-behavioral therapy is highly successful in the treatment of social anxiety.
In fact, the people who are unsuccessful are the ones who are not persistent in their practice and who won't stick with simple methods and techniques at home. They are the ones who give up.
If a person wants to end the years of anxiety, then cognitive-behavioral treatment provides the ways to lessen the anxiety and make our world a much more peaceful place.
On a personal note, I have had years of therapy not cognitive-behavioral, but regular rehash the past therapy. My anxiety reached level highs for me.....I now find out that I did not need to do this? Mind you....I still would have but I would have also included the cognitive behavioral therapy.....it works....
SMILE!

Therapy

If a person is motivated to end the years and years of crippling anxiety, then cognitive-behavioral treatment provides the methods, techniques, and strategies that come together to lessen the anxiety and make the world a much more enjoyable place.

Social Anxiety

I have social anxiety. I thought that time coupled with awareness would make it go away. Well guess what? It takes work....real effort to confront this demon. Meaning that today I am going to a dinner party. N0 nothing fancy just a group of people who know each other....except for me....I agreed....the last time I went up there was last summer....I feel bad. It has nothing to do with them as people...they are great. I just can't handle it.....so tonight I am going to handle it....

Spiraling

Does anyone know what I mean if I say...."I am spiraling"?
Imagine what a spiral is. Close your eyes and picture that cyclone type shape.....
And then imagine you are in the center of it....it is in your head but you are in it.....and it is pulling you down....it is causing you to see things from another perspective...a perspective you tried so hard to alter.....(change..change sounds hard to do. I like alter...it seems possible)
And then you are just gone....you have to walk away....you must.
this is how I feel when I feel threatened..or insulted...Must be a bad one to insult me....I am laid back......err....I like to think I am.
Now I am rambling......
spiraling.
crazy,
dark,
constricting,
numbing,
holding hysteria at bay,
I start to watch,
I am scared,
no comprehension....
Of course at some point I do come out of it......
NOw that I am older I have noticed that the damage is minimul.
I learn from every single flash I have.
I am grateful for them.

Today versus yesterday

Where can I begin with this new page? Which direction would I like for it to go?
I know I want to know people from all over the world who are overcoming as I have done. If a person has not experienced....abandonement.....abuse.......alcoholism....drug abuse.....and many more things....well they do not understand us. I have many experiences with "normal" people that felt crazier than the craziest crazy I ever met.....and let me tell you I have met my share in this life time.....
More to come.
You know what the saddest part of all of this recovery is? That there are people who need to do that....and do not even know they need to....
that is scary!
They are the ones who blame all of their woe on another being. Never taking responsibility for anything bad in their lives...
I want to talk about all these years of therapy. I want to share what I have learned...Everything. I want to hear from anyone else who has something they would like to share also.....
I do try and smile. That is what this particular blog was supposed to be about. Walking through life with a smile on the face....I fail miserably....I don't know when I started to wear my inner turmoil....but somewhere I did just that.
When I was younger I had a smile...a BIG smile plastered to my face....I had dimples. Those dimples are now wrinkled. lol
I am getting better. It does not feel that way on certain days....but I find it is usually of my own doing....accepting culpability...well...that is a humbling experience....to say the least.
Yesterday I was miserable each nanosecond of my life...now I am maybe miserable 2 hours a month...the rest of the time...I am in turmoil...yes. But it is stuff I need to look at. The miserable comes in at times when I have flashbacks...emotional...physical....mental.....I have them all.......
I am the most normal crazy person you will ever meet....Come check my brain out....
I may be OCD....I was told once I was just a little OCD....I asked is that like being a little pregnant??